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Jul 1, 2005
I think i've just experienced the worst month of my life, my mother just passed away. She had been battling colon cancer for two years, it spread to her liver and that was pretty much it. She went in for surgery to see about putting a drain in her liver to help it function despite the tumor causing her liver to not function well anymore. well that surgery was unsuccessful and a week and a half later she passed away. it seemed to happen so fast and yet at the same time that week seem to pass in slow motion. I had no idea that it spread that much, she never told any of us. She was only 55, i feel too young to have a parent deceased, i still have grandparents around. I went to visit her everyday in the hospice and it was like watching her die. the last night was the worse she looked so bad and it was the hardest thing to watch, i wish i didn't have that image of my mother in my head, i'm so glad my sister didn't go see her that nite.
so i've been so stressed lately and depressed. thank god i have my hubby for support, i think i would have lost it by now without him. now that she didn't leave a will and me being the oldest i now have to deal with probate court to get to be excueter of her assets. There isn't much at all but i gotta do it to pay for the funeral and her debts.
She had a pretty hard life, dealt with depression and anxiety all her live. she was also an alcoholic. She was in pain her whole life so at least it's somewhat comforting to know that she is no longer in any mental or physical pain. And is now at peace. No more will she have to deal with the hardships of life that plagued her so.
I'm so glad that the funeral people were able to fix her up really well. she looked like a skeleton that last nite. it as absolutely awful. The worse thing i've ever seen in my life.
I seem to cry all the time. I'll never see her again. it still doesn't seem real. i'll never be able to call her up for advice again. i use to always call her when i needed help with cooking. i don't have anyone to call now.
Posted at 01:01 pm by fiercestcalm
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Jun 2, 2005
Our dad's dog got hit by a car yesterday. His legs got messed up a bit. Dad almost didn't take him to the vet but sis made him take the dog. He doesn't have the $700 so sis was gonna put it on credit card but in the end dad's gf said she'd pay for it. Which is good b/c sis doesn't even have a job, she doesn't need to put more money on the credit cards. So this brings up this big drama b/c Dad isn't really responsible enough to have a dog. Its silly really - a 67 year old man cannot take care of his own dog. If he doesn't have the money to deal with situations like these then he shouldnt have the dog. He's too lazy to take him to the vet for his shots, too lazy to give him a bath, too lazy to cut his nails. he really shouldn't have a dog...but anyway....
The poor puppy was whining all nite and his leg wouldn't stop bleeding. Made me cry everytime i went downstairs to sit with him. one on the legs is all swollen up. The vet said nothing was broken so i guess that's good, so just a lot of swelling and I guess he'll be sore for awhile. He's at the vet now getting worked on. I'm glad he was able to spend the nite here at home and not wait in one of the cages at the vets. He couldn't sleep in dad's room though like he usually does since he couldn't go upstairs so that probably made him even sadder being alone all nite. So we'll see how he feels when he gets home later today. I hope he feels better,he looked in a lot of pain last nite.
Posted at 10:29 am by fiercestcalm
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May 21, 2005
Finally a day off. Well a lot has happened. Hubby ended up not being able to help me set-up for the fair and went into work instead but it ended up all right because my sis was home and she helped and so did my dad and his girlfriend. The tent though wasn't really set-up right till hubby got there though. I knew he'd fix it right as soon as he got there, he's so good at those sort of things. The fair wasn't a huge success but I made out alright. I actually only sold a few things but I ended up winning the art contest they were holding which paid $150 so with that I made out pretty good. I could tell hubby was pretty proud i got first prize :-). Should haven't gotten there earlier and gotten a better spot though, we were like a couple blocks from the main action so i think a lot of people didn't bother walking all the way down where we were. I will definietly try some more fairs though. Afterwards i got good and drunk though :-) that was definetly needed to help relieve some stress, luckily i didn't have a hangover the next day since i had to go into work.
Anyway some other good news. I got asked to be a photography exhibition in November. That was pretty cool, hopefully I sell my photography in the show, that would be a couple hundred bucks for each.
More good news I was able to put a lot more into our savings, I'm very proud of myself for being able to finally put so much into it. Still only half of what hubby put into it but i only make half of what he does so it all works out. But i worked my ass off to be able to put so much into it.
Me and hubby had this funny little fight a couple days ago. I ended up not having to work a prom i thought i would have too so i was telling hubby i was relieved that i didn't have to work it b/c i've been working way too much lately, so he asked how many hours and i said without the prom i'm working about 48, with the prom it would have been about 53. so he goes something like 'oh that's nothing i worked like 55 a couple weeks ago'. And i go wait a minute honey you worked like 55 hours for only that one week, i've been working 48 hours a week since i got this second job and i haven't had a day off in like two weeks. Then he gets mad for some reason and goes 'well why are you working so much then?!' and i go because 'you want us to save all this money for a house of our own!", my sis was there and she laughed and said 'oh, snap she got you!'. He shut up after that. anyway hopefully once i become a photographer at this job i can quit the other one and not have to work so many hours anymore...
Posted at 11:35 am by fiercestcalm
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May 9, 2005
well no days off for two weeks i think. just great. lovely. anywho why is it that my hubby works less than i do, is required to do less at his work and gets paid twice as much as me? I have two jobs and at the one i have to work my ass off all the time and it pays less than the other. work about 47 hours a week and still get paid half of what he gets. grrrr. i'm obviously in the wrong profession perhaps i need to get into computers too. Then he makes me feel guilty because i can't put much money in the savings. Sucks i have so much in student loans. and not only do i work harder and more hours then i gotta come home and do the dishes and then cook dinner and everyday off i'm doing laundry. He is pretty good about cleaning up everything else though, don't think i've vacuum more than twice since we've been living together. But sometimes i come home and am so beat i just can't stand up and make dinner.
Anyway i found out some good news today. I may be shooting at the new job around August. That would be good because it would mean more money and then perhaps i can quit the other job. That would be fantastic.
Posted at 03:25 pm by fiercestcalm
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May 5, 2005
well it's that time on the month again and here comes the migraine. why do i have to get a migraine every month? well i must say thankfully i don't get those horrible cramps anymore but migraines are not much better. It's so hard to do anything and it last longer than the cramps did, at least the cramps went away in a couple of hours. the migraine can sometimes last days. please don't let me have this migraine tomorrow. at least i have off today but it won't be good if i gotta work with this headache tomorrow. guess i should just go to bed but i gotta make dinner soon. mmm i just want ice cream, that always helps the migraine. mmmmm.
well anyway I got paid today yeah! and i did everything on my to do list despite this headache. so that's good. i can't wait till the fair next weekend. If hubby bails out b/c of work i'm gonna be pissed! i've told him about it weeks ago, i think actually months ago. I don't mind that he wants to do overtime to get us more money but i want him with me at this fair. if he knows i'll be very upset if he isn't there he will probably come so as to not upset me. he can miss one weekend of overtime. so only thing left to do for the fair is to put together five more mattes and put together my nine frames. I hope my photographs sell well. Will make me feel good if i can make a couple hundred that i can put towards the new house. I know the hubby is making like twice as much as me but i still feel guilty that he is putting much more money into the new house fund than i am. So if i can do a few fairs this summer and put a bit to the new home i'll feel better about myself and my contributions.
Time to go back to bed......
Posted at 04:36 pm by fiercestcalm
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May 3, 2005
photographic and the wolf
I really got to get back into photographing. My excuse being that i didn't want to photograph because i don't have hasse is riduculous. I can shoot just as well with my 35mm. i gotta get back out there. I'm buying some film today. Also going to try to go to fairs in the summer over the weekends and figure out which i would like to sell my photographs at. If i can make a couple hundred at each it wouldn't be a bad way to make a little extra cash and even if i don't make much cash i'll still be doing something i love and enjoy and that will help me stay happy. I gotta decide which photographs i would like to enter into this contest, the prizes aren't very big but that doesn't matter. what matters is just getting my photographs out there. So that's my plan for tomorrow, decide what photographs to enter, prepare the cd and mail it. Also planned for tomorrow-get out there and shoot! I can't believe i haven't shot anything in so long.
Also in the plans decide what new job i want. This new job at the wolf is just riduculous, they don't know where to send the photographers and assistants till a couple of days before the shoot? How is that a way to run the company. Seems like anarchy to me. I mean they must know what school they can shoot at at least a month or so in advance. Its all a little crazy to me. How can you last week not know if i'm needed at a school and tell me maybe wed and thurs i'll be needed and then call me today and tell me oh we need you Friday. ummmm well you're too late because if i think i'm not getting hours there then i'm gonna ask my other job to give me more hours and now i can't work for you friday b/c the other job already scheduled me. maybe if you knew more than two days ahead of time i could help you out..... I mean it is a shame because i rather work friday at the wolf because i get paid more there but i'm not gonna screw over my other job. I can't burn bridges there. So anyway i need a new job but i don't know what i wanna do! i feel so lost when it comes to looking for a job :'-(. well i better end this entry because i gotta get to work.....
Posted at 12:26 pm by fiercestcalm
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Apr 20, 2005
Just found a great new artist to listen too...Damien Rice.
His songs are absolutely beautiful. There's just no other word to describe his songs other than beautiful.The songs just all touch something in me. They are very soothing. The songs have been stuck in my head all day and i just keep wanting to listen to them. He has an amazing voice and so does the female singer. It's so different from stuff i've been listening to, it's been so refreshing. I haven't had any other artist affected me this quickly in a long time. I'm so glad Tori put him on her cd, i didn't really like what he did on that particular song but it at least peaked my interested to listen to him to find out why Tori decided to collorborate with him. The songs are even better on the live album i found. His voice is great live. Right now i love the songs Delicate, Amie, and Blower's Daughter. "why'd you sing hallelujuh if it meant nothing to ya". That's my fave line right now. Can't wait to learn all the words to the songs so i can sing along with him.
Posted at 07:07 pm by fiercestcalm
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Apr 12, 2005
Tori Amos - Philadelphia setlist 4/11/05
Original Sinsuality
Yes, Anastasia
Parasol
Marianne
Happy Phantom
Snow Cherries From France
Rattlesnakes
Streets Of Philadelphia (Bruce Springsteen cover)
Landslide (Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac cover)
The Power Of Orange Knickers
Winter
Mother Revolution
Space Dog
The Beekeeper
1st Encore
Tear In Your Hand
Baker Baker
2nd Encore
Etienne
Toast
The show last nite was so awesome!
Original Sinsuality - Tears welled up in my eyes when she came out, this song was beautiful. I don't care much for the album version but it was great live.
Yes, Anastasia - again i had to fight tears when i heard this song start. It was so amazing, my favorite of the night. Very different from the album version. She had lots of energy during this song. This song has been stuck in my head all day.
Here she said hi to us and talked a little about it being nice playing in such a grown up place and how it's not so bad growing up. She mentioned the shorts she was wearing and said they'll be no more Australian Tori down under.
Parasol - Love this off the Beekeeper. It was great seeing her play both the organ and the piano at the same time. The organ added a nice touch to this song.
Marianne - This was a nice surprise, very enjoyable
Happy Phantom - great energy on this song, it's such a fun song to hear.
Snow Cherries From France - not a big fan of this song, didn't like it live either.
Rattlesnakes - I don't listen much to Strange Little Girls, but I did enjoy hearing this song. I thought she did very well on this song, she had me quite mesmerized during it.
Tori's Piano Bar
She talked about her ginger and lemonade...
Streets of Philadelphia - special for our little town. It was her first time ever playing this song so she mentioned she might 'f*ck' it up. She did a great job with the song, she really got into it by the end.
Landslide - was disappointed by her choice to do this one so i sort of zoned out
The Power of Orange Knickers - much better without Damien Rice, flowed much nicer.
Winter - wasn't anything new to this song, but i've always enjoyed hearing this one.
Mother Revolution - LOVED this with the organ. I loved the song before but it was fanatasic with her switching between organ and piano. Its been stuck in my head with Yes, Anastasia.
Space Dog - great treat! i actually usually skip this song whenever i listen to UTP or the Live To Venus and Back CD but i loved it live, i'm going to give this song more of a chance now, i have a new appreciation for it. She had a lot of energy during this song.
The Beekeeper - very very eerie, and very mesmorizing. the vocal were great on this song, so was the organ. The live version of this song is so beautiful.
Tear in My Hand - i'm not a huge fan of this song, was distracted by all the people that rushed to the stage.
Baker Baker - surprised to hear this, wasn't much different from the album version but it was nice to hear live.
Etienne - This was beautiful, i wish i had a live version of this song to play all the time, the studio version from YKTR is just crap compared to hearing it live. was very very very surprised to hear something from YKTR.
Toast - I love this song. I think this song makes the perfect ending. Nice Goodbye for us.
This was the second best Tori concert for me (the best being the first time i saw her live). It was so nice seeing her play solo in such an intimate setting as the Kimmel Center. The seats were great. I was like 25 rows back but it didn't seem that far away, i had a great view. I just wish i wasn't so tired during it, i might have enjoyed it more if i was more alert. I'm still tired since i didn't get much sleep last nite either. She didn't talk as much as she seemed to do in other cities, but that's okay i'm went to see her play not talk. The crowd was very respectful which was nice. i always hate it when i go to smaller shows and people are being loud and are just yelling out songs they want the artist to play. I don't think i heard anyone yell out anything to her mostly people just cheered loudly. Was very disappointed to find out that Cooling was on the setlist but got cut ;-( i was so hoping to hear that song. Anyway i'm looking forward to seeing her live this summer with the band but i don't think it will be as good as it was last nite.....
Posted at 06:22 pm by fiercestcalm
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Apr 10, 2005
1 More day till Tori Amos! i'm so excited! This will be the first time i've seen her solo since I think 1996 when she did Dew Drop Inn tour and this time i have better seats. I hope hubby doesn't bother me too much since he doesn't even like tori but i'm glad he's coming with me. I hope he enjoys her alright, maybe he'll get caught up in my excitment. can't believe the day is almost here. ONE MORE DAY! i need a life jeez....
Posted at 03:52 pm by fiercestcalm
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Apr 8, 2005
3 Days till Tori Amos Concert!!
I think i'm gonna like my new job but i just get so freaked out about driving to places I don't really know. but really only Mondays should be scary since i'll be at the same school all week. I just hate going to places I don't know. And i don't like the traffic but at least I have to leave early enough to miss the bad bad traffic. 95 can be so scary! especially in the morning but i'm guessing it won't be that bad once i get used to it. I'm really gonna get freaked out the first time i get lost, i should really buy some maps just incase. Well at least i get to listen to more Tori Amos.
I'm really excited about the art fair i'll be doing in may, i hope i make a bit of money on my photographs. I've been working hard to get them all ready, i hope i get everything done in time, and hopefully have time to do a few extra photos than i planned.
well i really should be going now to my other job at the camera shop.
Posted at 03:56 pm by fiercestcalm
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